Written by The Callington Cruiser Velogaine survivor, Bruce Greenhalgh
The same weekend that SARA ran the 2025 edition of the Velogaine another notable cycling competition was happening on the other side of the world. The ‘Paris-Roubaix’ is one of cycling’s one day classics, arguably the most prestigious, and a race renowned for being tough. It’s tough enough to have acquired a special moniker, ‘The Hell of the North’. But in comparison to the ‘Callington Cruiser’ is the Paris-Roubaix truly hellish? The French race is held in often cold and wet conditions, but isn’t hell supposed to be hot, like ‘fire and brimstone’ hot? Our ‘Hell of the South’ was certainly that with temperatures in the mid-thirties and long sections sans any shade.
Admittedly the Paris-Roubaix riders have to contend with sections (‘sectors’) of pavé (cobblestones) but how tough can they be compared with Callington’s gravel, sand and rocks? We’re talking tough Aussie gravel, sand and rocks, mate, and not your mamby pamby Euro cobbles! Drought conditions meant the sand was especially loose. Then there were the flies, albeit one less in number thanks to my having swallowed one (yuck). Truly hellish, and I haven’t even mentioned the wind which was strong, persistent and energy sapping. And do the Roubaix racers have to carry a bandage in case of snake bite? They do not. So, I put it to you that the Hell of the North doesn’t hold a candle to the Hell of the South.
Steve and I began out tour of hell by heading to the controls ‘below’ the SE Freeway. Of course, the controls weren’t actually below the freeway, but to its south. I’ve sometimes wondered whether there’s a slight (very slight) effect resulting from the way we tend to view north as ‘up’ and south as ‘down’. Since north is up, do our minds play a trick on us and have us believing we are ascending (and therefore doing it harder) when we go north? Does this perception get translated into something more physical? It would only be a very slight effect if it happens at all and I didn’t get a chance to test my theory at Callington since travelling north into the wind was definitely harder, like “#@% this wind” harder. There was some shelter to be had while we collected the controls in the wooded areas (53, 51, 63 and 62). And the wind blocking trees also provided relief for a lot of teams who used their shade to catch their breath and take in fluids. That shade though, was absent on the purgatorial trip north from control 61 to 73. At 73 we had reached the last hour and started our trip back to the Hash House. Unfortunately, this is when the heat and wind got to me and my speed dropped faster than a stock market index. I had the uncomfortable impression that the hands on my watch were circulating more rapidly than the wheels on my bike. It looked like we had blown our chance of getting back on time and, worse, would end up with a penalty that would ruin our score. Desperate times! We were saved by the last eight kilometres from control 64 being almost entirely downhill and with the wind. We made it back with a few minutes to spare. Phew.
Happily, all competitors also made it to ‘hell and back’ and to the welcome shade of the Callington oval clubrooms. I’m sure all those competitors will join me in thanking the organizers, in particular Doug Gillott (setter, event coordinator, map maker and etc) and the local organisation, Callington Progress Association, for their work. It was, as one Callington local remarked, a well-run event (or words to that effect; my memory being impaired by my exhaustion) and a credit to all involved.
